buenpastor | (no subject)

(( from the cuddle city test drive ))

I felt— I saw it and then. [ he's shaking now, searching marcus' eyes to ground himself. ] Then it was happening to me.

[ marcus frowns down at him. there's a gentle downturn to the curve of his mouth, and his fingers lifting up to absently stroke through his hair, a warm soothing touch. ]

You felt the pain of their victims?

[ he nods jerkily. he's still trembling. ]

[ he pauses. he thinks about the story he'd heard with peter, the father with his length of chain and otherworldly voice.

his fingers drift down over tomas' cheek to hold his face. he'd only briefly pictured it, how the girls had been struck. it occurs to him now that tomas might have lived it. ]

Ah.

[ he's failing miserably at keeping the tears at bay. he presses the heel of his hand against them, as if he could force them back in. ]

Hey ...

[ he shifts on the bed. his hand curves up to just hold tomas' face. ]

It's alright. It's over now.

[ that just makes him cry harder. the floodgates are open and he can't do anything about it, except push himself up and scrub at his face to at least hide it. ]

Tomas. It's okay.

[ he lifts both hands to tomas' face, wordless permission for him to keep crying if he has to. ]

You're here now. We're here together.

[ has he ever cried on marcus before? he doesn't think so. not that he can stop it now. he's half sitting up now, torn between pulling away or moving closer.

he tries to apologize but the words cut off by a hiccup. ]

[ he's neither moving closer nor pulling away, content to let tomas choose what he'd like. he lets one hand drop too, so that the other is strictly functional, incidentally smudging away tear tracks. ]

[ he can't really embarrass himself further so he reaches to wrap an arm around marcus. he died a bunch of times, he's earned a proper hug. ]

[ marcus has been holding victims and comforting the wounded for longer than tomas has been alive, so of course he's quick to wrap an arm around tomas, to hold him close as his body trembles. it's not even a question. ]

[ there's so much he's been holding back. it's not that he's hesitating or that he doubts god's plan, but he's tired and homesick and he can still hear the chain as it swung at him. he's overwhelmed by it, by the knowledge that it will keep happening because that's his job now. his mission. and even if he could walk away he wouldn't.

as far as it goes, he'd said. he'll do this until it breaks him. ]

[ even though marcus doesn't know what the visions are like, he knows what tomas is thinking, what the road ahead must look like—mercilessly long even if it ends up cut short, painful. he's never known an exorcist who died of old age rather than some horror. if it were up to him he wouldn't have chosen this life for anyone except someone like himself—someone with so little to lose.

but he trusts tomas enough to trust his choice. and the job doesn't have to be lonesome. at least, not this new path they're forging, inexpertly and with too little care. marcus doesn't know what that means, to what extent he can help, what would happen if they were separated. but he can look after him. he's always going to look after him. ]

Shh. It's alright.

[ it's long minutes before tomas stops crying. he's tired and he's not even sure he's feeling any better. marcus is a solid, reassuring presence, so he focuses on that, lets it ground him until the crying is down to quiet hiccuping. ]

I'm better.

[ saying 'okay' would've been an obvious lie. plus his voice is still raw and shaky so better is more accurate. ]

Good.

[ he remains seated where he is, fingers combing tenderly through tomas' hair to flatten it a little. ]

Thank you.

[ it's better than saying sorry. marcus would tell him he has nothing to apologize for. and he'd most likely be right.

he lets out a long, shaky sigh. maybe he'll be able to sleep now. ]

Yeah.

[ he pulls back, pulling his hand away. his eyes briefly search tomas' expression to gauge whether or not he really is okay. whatever he finds must pass some threshold of acceptability, because he nods towards the bathroom. ]

Wash up and then get some rest.

[ he can get up and do as he's told and even ignore his ankle still throbbing, so he's fine, clearly.

he takes a few minutes though, to breathe and calm down properly and wash his face. when he comes back out he looks... still kind of like a mess, but he gives marcus a small smile when he catches his eye. ]